oops-freeflowing unedited-sorrryk

in the middle of the night

when the storm has sent cascades
through hours
lashing gracefully
dancing scathingly

when sets across these states
run from sordid screens
to whirring reruns
to blankly buzzing
nofalls

i no longer exist

because i told my story to
my night self too many times
and it has become background noise
like the splatsplatpatter
and the frrrrrrrrrrrzzzzzz
its the meeeeeeeeeeee
that has ceased

to be interesting
to be intelligible
to be being

beating herself to the punches,
punching herself to the rhythm,
rhythmically breathing in again and away
into all things

--------------------------------------

if it meant anything
i would tell you
i'm really confused; i think we all are.

the panic always emerges
sets the stage lights on my
poor quickening heart and
-it leaps out -
a failed entrance
a forced smile and a stiff half motion curtsy
where emotion might have been

had i the courage
to be the woman in my head
who i've kept in cages of all kinds and colors
sleek and shiny things harbor hideous beasts
she thinks

had i the courage
i'd have said something sacred
i'd have danced into center
lit up the perimeter and parted with
kisses so genuine
to accept is to accept
and to reject is to reject
and the outcome matters less
than what is clear

and seeing through
is being here