Monday, April 19, 2010

Something I wrote a while ago, which is less & less true, which is lovely

Once in a while, we'll call it Monday, when bleak gets bleaker
I lay immobile. unable. I can't move.
I'm thinking its the thought of the thinking I'll have to go through in order to delicately figure out what to say to the
whos and whats and whens all day
the nicey nice niceties my lips display in whispers
sometimes i speak in "Hiiii's" and "How are yous?"
Nods and half smiles
and I wonder who I am
some sickly sweet pink fluff pustule, punch in and i'm popped -
but don't be offended, i do wish you the best, and i care about how you are,
but i don't fucking. know. WHO. you. are.
and when i'm on my back stuck to the sheets of sleep, paralyzed, its this in and out tedium my body won't consider.
when will i be brave enough to show you something raaaaaw, i mean fucking sail it in, from the little sea of unfiltered.
i spent years hiding in my own shame, until all i wore was bones
and i never once told the truth about anything because i was too empty to care
but i guess i'm not yet full enough to give some other human being my reality
i'm in the like it or not its your job limbo,
the fake it til you make it you better be funny and you better upbeat or you will never have friends
the smile a lot and signal cues to ensure sometime someone wants you
and i'm sickly swishing swirling pink fluff parade
a drain all clogged with meets and greets and man, don't i know, ha ha ha
let me tell you.
cynicism aside. its my choice, what i say to you. how i say it. and i do, i really want to know. how are you? who are you?
i think i already like you.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Whats yer mission?

I often hear (particularly when it concerns 'politics') "We all want the same thing in the end". At times, I've said this myself. It is useful as a concept to oppose the divisive nature of politics, but at the heart, I don't think it holds true.
Yes, we all want the same things that drive our human existence. Safety, security, nourishment, and for most of us, happiness/contentment for ourselves and others. What we perceive will fulfill these needs is often very different, but, thank heavens & earth we at least have this bit of shared humanity. I have been thinking a lot lately about the driving forces in my own life. I think these forces are often what shape our various approaches and perceptions.
I find "what we want" is basically driven by what I would call our 'missions' or 'purposes', which differ radically from person to person, party to party, group to group. If you do not share a philosophy or underlying belief system, you are not likely to share a 'mission', or therefore, a vision.
To make this a little less abstract...
Here are some examples (from my subjective experience) of other (awesome) people's visions/missions:
I have been cared for by someone who places the most value on autonomy, responsibility to loved ones, self betterment, contentment, and comfort.
I have met others whose vision includes self-sacrifice, dedication, responsibility to truth & the global community.
Others value adventure, extreme zest for life, presence, and a deep commitment to community and interpersonal relationships.
People are made of all combinations of these and (of course) other visions.
Maybe some are nobler than others, and you can at least in part choose what drives you. But there is really no convincing somebody else what should drive them, and I'm honestly grateful for that.
People are driven by passion. By addiction. By distraction. By love. By fear. By hope. By resentment. By means of escape. Etc.
It is no curiousity to me that we all disagree so often, so it really doesn't frustrate me all that much.
What does frustrate me is when the extremism of some people's visions end up disregarding respect for the rest of humanity. How do we successfully speak out about this? How do we find balance and peace with our individual natures, while still seeking justice in the world?
I shoooorazhelll don't know how to answer these questions.
I do believe that unless there is some recognition of these seperate visions/missions/filters we all have of the world, the head butting, polarizing, and name calling will endlessly continue with little progress made in regards to respect and acceptance of our fellow humans, or furtherance of our work for justice.


So, I am creating this mainly as an organized place to put all of the mind purge that I usually have scattered on pieces of notebook paper. I love to read about what other people are doing and thinking and analyzing and over analyzing, and so, what the hell. Here is mine.