The afterlife

Recognize 'him' and yours
will be the kingdom of heaven

I never wanted to live in a kingdom
Neither gold nor purity excite me
Where is the life in that,
what has it come after?

I want to bathe in your ribbon irises
I want to bake cookies with children
I want to grow old and fat
With stories to tell

My only royalty is earth
May they glory in her
life
long
after
mine

merger with the shadow

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_(psychology)

things i believe

the DSM-IV (or any other DSM for that matter) can suck it. most of it is bullshit

apathy is a privelege, indifference is a disease

the thinnest hand they're wiring writhing sacrificially wilting under particled skies
its time the thinnest blood its flowing out deficient its streaming out
its drunken they're all drinking they're not thinking
there is nothing
sometimes there's laughter it feels like hiding its all in timing
one two three they are immaterial they are (they were) the dust
a film of ages the rawness of the rough cuts
they tore up through underground smokestacks crumbled in self disgust
in time this timeless essence
it wins
the urge to feel the blisters like youth they'll live length in days not years
they'll fight, they'll fight
they'll scream, i hear them
its like a miracle to hear someone believe
to hear someone resolve to leave
a life that's less like lifelike
dollhouses we play (pretend) we play like cruel children
on the other end
there's someone screaming
its wrenching up its clogging in
the pores of this self destruction, its what happens
we don't know ourselves
we stopped thinking
we started acting out a description from a pixelated god and we tried to play the leading role
choked on our own scars
of distraction
and relaxation
of plastic simplicities
and alienation
of exponential exponents tangling dwindling aspirations breathe
asphyxiations

a lie

i showed you my cold shoulder
but you never tried to touch
i told you how i sank in
and wanted out so much
you preyed on me in footsteps
and caging stabbing words
i lifted off my senses
i became the verb
a fluctuation is an instant
an instant is a path
that night i saw your weakness;
that you never truly laugh
the hurt for hours consumes me
one thought at a time
of how broken ones
will break you
if you give them room to try
of how lost girls become
bearers of caution in a womb
and string along their secrets
a darkly staggering perfume
i do not want your secrets
or your empty eyes
i hope the ground will find you
a place more comfortable to lie

content with the moment

yeah disclaimer

i'm kind of really embarrassed that anyone might be reading this, which calls into question...why did i create a blog in the first place?
but it is a good release, i guess, just know, You, that i don't really edit or spend much time on anything i put up here it just Bluh mindspillllllll.